When Milestones Look Different: Understanding the Journey of Children With Autism and Developmental Delays.

Milestones are woven into the story of growing up. We celebrate first words, first days of school, birthdays, graduations, proms, and the transition into adulthood. For many families, these events come with shared excitement and familiar expectations of what the “next chapter” should look like.

But for children with autism and developmental delays, milestones may unfold on a different timeline — or take on a completely different shape. Some experiences that society calls “universal” may never be understood or fully felt in the same way. And yet, their journeys are still rich, meaningful, and filled with their own kind of magic.

The Weight of Expectations

Parents of neurotypical children often imagine the future in vivid mental snapshots:

the dorm room move-in, the first job, the first serious relationship, the joy (and nerves) of watching their child step into adulthood.

For parents of children with autism or developmental delays, these images can feel distant, complicated, or painful. The world doesn’t always acknowledge how heavy it can be when the traditional milestones don’t match the reality of your child’s needs or developmental path.

And that brings me to my story.

Kevin’s Story: A Milestone That Looks Different

My son Kevin will turn 18 this October — a number that feels so big, so adult, and so symbolic in our society. By now, in a “typical” situation, we might be preparing him for a dorm room stay, helping him apply to colleges, or watching him meet his first girlfriend. We might be celebrating this transition into adulthood with the same rituals and expectations many families around us take part in.

But for Kevin, things look different.

His journey into adulthood isn’t marked by college tours or prom photos. He may not understand what turning 18 really means — not the independence, not the new responsibilities, not the emotional weight that other teenagers feel automatically.

And sometimes, that reality hurts. Sometimes, I look at other parents excited about the next chapter in their child's life, and I feel an ache — not because I’m disappointed in Kevin, but because the world sold us a picture of what “growing up” should look like, and our reality doesn’t match it.

But that’s only one side of the story.

When Milestones Are Reached, But Understood Differently

Kevin experiences moments deeply and uniquely. He might not understand the symbolism of adulthood, but he feels joy, connection, and accomplishment in ways that are just as real.

His milestones look like:

• mastering a skill we’ve worked on for months

• showing growth in communication

• expressing happiness in his own unique way

• learning patience, trust, or independence at his own pace

These victories don’t come with ceremonies, but they come with heart.

And when Kevin smiles because he has achieved something meaningful to him, that moment feels just as powerful — sometimes even more so — than any traditional milestone society celebrates.

Learning to Redefine “What Should Have Been”

As parents, it’s natural to imagine our children’s futures. It’s natural to dream. It’s natural to grieve. But it’s also powerful to learn to release expectations that don’t honor who our child truly is.

Kevin has taught me that adulthood is not defined by dorm rooms, relationships, or independence. It is defined by growth. By love. By each step forward, big or small. By the unique way he interacts with the world.

He is becoming an adult on his terms — and that is something worth celebrating.

Honoring Every Child’s Journey

Children with autism and developmental delays may not experience life’s milestones the same way others do. They may not understand the emotional weight of certain events, or participate in them traditionally.

But they still experience life deeply. They still grow. They still matter. They still bring meaning into the world.

Kevin’s story is not missing anything — it’s simply unfolding in a different way. And that difference deserves to be recognized, respected, and celebrated.